I woke up today at 2PM after sleeping forever. I think that was incredibly necessary. am so happy I have nothing else
due today or tomorrow, or anytime next week. It's so liberating to have that much time and be able to go out and recharge the battery.
I'm listening to a great CD. I had forgotten how much I love this album. I began singing from "Reconstruction Site" by the Weakerthans last night, and I still haven't stopped playing it. I had been awake for 30+ hours when I started listening to it again, and it was like the day after the apocalypse. The day before I had been so sad that I almost didn't want to go on with everything anymore. Quit school, quit at sloan, quit all of this effort.
Why go on when you feel empty on the inside? and other demons. But then I heard John K Samsom's CD once again and it reminded me that even in the darkest moments there's hope for reconstructing your life, and that's how life is, not happy or sad but somewhere in between. Dean Young had this poem, "Not in Any Ha Ha Way", which ends by saying that maybe life is either too beautiful not to be painful, or too painful not to be beautiful. That's sort of a dichotomy of thought; some that I have talked to have told me that life is suffering therefore beautiful and some had said that life is beautiful therefore suffering.
I myself have always felt that life is suffering and that's why it's so beautiful. I'm picking up slowly, going back to who I know I am, rising above all of these countercurrents and moving onto the next step in my life.